Time is cultural.

Did you know that?  

Yes, it is true, how we measure time is cultural.  Just think about it....BC, AD, BCE, the names of the days and the months, the length of a day, even today is "Leap" day because we add an extra day to the Gregorian calendar to sync it to the solar calendar. 

I can remember as a kid the wait for Christmas or my birthday seemed to take FOREVER until POOF! The day arrived and was gone in what seemed like an instant.  The same seemed true for prom and my wedding day, even when I found out that I was pregnant.  Nine months (well really 10) seemed like an eternity until labor started then all I could think was how unprepared I was and that I really needed just a few more days.

The same seems to be true now as I wait for surgery, it was 3 weeks, then 2 weeks, now it's under a week.  Mere days.  Then it will be hours.  Then that moment...that horribly raw moment when I will have to say 'goodbye' to my family and be wheeled off to the cold, white, sterile, operating room.

I hate that moment.

Anyone who has had surgery knows what I am speaking of.  

It is as if time has stopped...everyone is moving at hyper speed, everyone except for YOU the person on the gurney.

The tension, at least for me, feels as if I am about to spontaneously combust.  I hate it!  

Then when I feel like I just want to jump off the table or cry...relief.  I don't know what they give you prior to actually knocking you out but I don't really care...it's better than feeling like my head is about to explode and is just mere moments away.

The next thing that happens is waking up in recovery, or as it happened the last time I had this pesky little tumor, Dr Personality woke me up by thumping me on the forehead.  I am still not sure why he felt that it was appropriate to do that, after all he was the one responsible for the 15 inch incision and the 52 staples (not to mention 1000's of stitches) needed to close it all up.  

Anyway...on this  Leap Day 2016, exactly 16 years after the first one, I am now down to counting the days.  I think my brain has gone into some sort of a protective mode, either that or I am in such deep denial that the countdown has begun, because I am feeling an unusual calm about it all.  "It is what it is" (I hate that phrase because it is so cliche...pithy, trite, and overused) and it will be what it will be...and God is in control after all. So I wait.

So wait I will...the day will be here no matter how I measure time.  Best case outcome or worst case scenario...I will not know the results until after the surgery.  Until then I measure time the only way I know how and enjoy banana splits for dinner (because I am going to eat what I want while I can)!