Don't worry, I am not about to get all touchy-feely or use any "woo-woo" psychology.  No Freudian stuff nor quotes from Carl Jung (I had a professor who referred to him as "Old Jughead," but alas I digress), and no references to Oprah, Iyanla, or Dr Phil. Not that any of those people aren't worth quoting it's just that I'm not going that direction, I'm thinking along much simpler lines. I'm speaking from my heart. From experience.

I recently saw this quote on social media and I felt like it jumped out of my cell phone and hit me between the eyes. Unfortunately the quote had been cut & pasted so many times that there was no attribution given, I wish there was because I'd like to thank them and give them a hug:

"Forgive yourself for not knowing earlier what only time could teach."

Face it, we have all made mistakes , and whether you believe in an Almighty Creator, the Almighty Universe, or that we are a result of a cosmic explosion complete with random cell changes resulting in the collective "us," we are all flawed. The species is flawed.  We have all made mistakes, said things we wish we could take back, wish we could reverse sew (rip out the stitches) some of the pieces of the quilt that is our life.  The simple and irrefutable fact is that we can't, time moves forward, and despite having a backup camera on our car to see what is behind us there is no reverse in the transmission of our life. So what do we do? Well, EMBRACE THE GARBAGE, admit that you not only have garbage but that it also stinks. Yup, my garbage may be different than yours but nonetheless it still stinks. In order to face your garbage you have to not only take a good long look in the proverbial mirror (sans make up, a fresh style, or designer clothes) to see your current self, but you also need to look back and take stock of everything you have done good, bad, or somewhere in between.

But forgiving myself? That's a lot easier to say than to actually do.  Like so many of us, I carry the guilt and shame of decisions made decades ago and letting go of that is hard because I've been carrying them for so long. We've become lifelong friends. BFF's.  Maybe I should make us friendship bracelets. There are things that I said and did that now, looking back, I feel like I could have done so very differently. I wish I had done differently. Admittedly some of the the things I said and did in my late teens and early 20's were the result of me allowing someone else's voice to run freely in my head and out of my mouth. I had neither the backbone nor the experience required to quiet the voices of others in order to develop my own voice. In short, I handled some things poorly and I know it.

So how in the world do I, or you, forgive ourselves?  Remember at the start of this blog I said that I wasn't going to use any "woo-woo" touchy feely stuff, just real stuff. To me that means when my friends, guilt and shame, come for a visit I have to tell them to take off, beat it, or at least have a seat in the back and be quiet. I'm not that person anymore.  That twenty year old girl has grown up and as a result grown wiser. That thirty year old faced down demons, dragons, and other awful things and lived to talk about it. That 40 year old  experienced terrible things yet lived and survived! That 50 year old made bold decisions,  took huge chances, learned and grew through life's experiences. Now, in my early 60's I feel that I am standing on the edge of a new chapter. New experiences await and although I would really like those experiences to be glorious recompence for the last 10-ish years I realize that isn't necessarily how life works.

Here's the thing, when we are young we never imagine that our lives may be less than perfect, we look to the future with anticipation and hope.  We never think that bad stuff is going to happen, that people will betray or otherwise harm us. We were taught and tended to believe that if we are good and kind people then in return the world will be good and kind to us. Unfortunately for a lot of us that isn't the case and our reactions may or may not be ideal because we are shocked, disappointed, caught off guard, or in some way derailed. I guess that is OK and to be expected because after all...

"Forgive yourself for not knowing earlier what only time could teach."