CommentaryCommentary (September 2022): My mind has been spinning for the last few days regarding some social media posts that were less than encouraging to the group in which they were directed. The following are my thoughts in no particular order of importance. I am not asking for "likes" or an argument, just some things that we as a profession and a country need to consider. In many professions there are mentors, some that are formal some that are not, but nevertheless there are experienced people that lift up and mentor "newbies." As a new interpreter there was a fellow interpreter who willingly and gladly took me under her wing and all she asked in return was that I "pass it on." Every time I call or texted her to thank her she always said the same thing, "You're welcome and now pass it on." She never asked for anything in return. No matter how many mistakes I made she NEVER put me down, sure her criticisms could be harsh but she never pulled rank, never told me that I "hadn't paid my dues yet," If she said something that hurt my ego I new I could talk to her about it. No gossip or smack talk from either one of us. Flash forward to when I mentored, sometimes I could be harsh but I always tried to be fair. There were some that welcomed that and others who didn't, no worries though because my goal was to "pass it on" and see more higher qualified interpreters in our schools. Horizontal violence was never in my wheelhouse. There are "newbies" that think they know more because they just graduated and have all of the latest information and theories. Hmmm...OK. There are seasoned interpreters who look down on newbies because they have no experience. Hmmm...OK. And there are A LOT more scenarios that play out within our profession, but WHY can some of us be so hurtful, condescending, and unprofessional. Some people know what I am about to say and others don't but here goes anyway...I had a 7 year period that started with a school shooting and ended with a divorce. I wasn't always happy, I wasn't always nice, and I did hope that people would extend me some grace because it took everything inside of me to get up, show up, and not be that hurt person that hurt people. Within the profession I found people that would hold me as I cried, they would send me encouraging texts, and many brought me meals when I had to deal with a second rare brain tumor just two years into what would be 7 years of hell. Yet there were others that would accuse me "so defensive" and didn't want to even be around me for whatever reasons they could think of. Hmmm...Ok, fair enough, I was playing a game of human whack-a-mole and just trying to survive.
Edit (March 2023): I am not sure where I was going with this when I started writing this several months ago, and I know it was not directed at any one person or even group of people, nonetheless I can't remember what my ultimate point was but I will try to write a befitting conclusion. Horizontal violence, gossip, back stabbing, bullying, whatever name you want to attach to it is never ok. I was talking to a new friend late into the night last night/this morning, this new friend is a very successful business owner in the OKC area and at the center of the business philosophy and plan is respect for others. When did we stop respecting others and start blaming others for our shortcomings? When did bullying, in all its iterations, become acceptable? Why is hate so prevalent? Why is yelling your opinion in the face of someone you disagree with the new default? As I said, I don't recall where I was going when I started writing this and I assure you that I am not directing this in any one direction while spinning a compass to see where true north is. Since I had already titled this "Commentary" I will assume that was what was on my mind.
There Once Was a Girl
There once was a girl who had energy and spark despite being painfully shy; she
There once was a girl who loved to roller skate, and swim, and dance; she wanted to learn to play the piano, and the flute, and be a gymnast like her dad but was repeatedly told "no!" That girl had compassion for those less fortunate but was chided with with a constant refrain of "Why do you have to be so nice?" and, "Why does everyone like you?" As if those are things to be ashamed of. There once was a girl who had friends of all backgrounds and colors, she didn't understand the hate and the jokes about people that weren't "white." She was often asked why she "...couldn't hang out with better people..." because she was told that her friends weren't good enough or smart enough. There once was a girl who wanted to become a professional photographer but was told by many people that she had no talent or skill and should just find some other hobby. There once was a girl that fell in love with a boy, but they were young and those feelings were hard to understand and the two of them fell apart.
There once was a girl who fell in love, this time it was for the long haul, but he lied and cheated and broke her spirit. Her heart was shattered, her spark long since dimmed to barely a flicker, moving forward seemed like a herculean effort one in which she had no energy for even lifting her foot to take a step. There once was a girl who raised two tiny humans who now are now phenomenal adults. There once was a girl who realized that she was no longer a girl despite how she was treated by those that she thought loved her. The condemnation, blame, lies, crushing comments, and being treated like girl who was incapable of making her own decisions, once she was able to put all that on a shelf and walk away, she began to heal. Very slowly; teeny tiny steps towards being a whole person. With every few steps she could look back and see how far she'd come, feeling as if she could look ahead and almost see the finish line. One day she realized that she had come so much farther than she thought she had needed to, that the pit she was crawling out of was so much deeper and darker than she'd realized, yet with grit and perseverance she began to emerge from it's dark, sticky, fingerlike grasp. There once was a girl whose body paid a heavy price for all she had to carry; it was if each nasty thing said to her literally became a weight on her tiny shoulders. She tried to stand up straight but it was all too much to bear; the weight of it all made it so hard to hold her head high and look people in the eye. She felt as if she shrunk back enough she could become invisible because that was how she felt, invisible, nonexistent, unworthy. There now stands a woman who faces each day with a smile and "Good morning, God!" She loves fiercely, laughs frequently, cries unabashedly, and is so astonished by the darkness and depth of that pit that she crawled out of. That woman now wonders just how far she'll go now that she is back on sunny solid ground. Now she can look back at the ones who tried to crush her, the ones who threw callous accusations at her, the ones who took advantage of her weaknesses by trying to further crush her spirit...now she can look back with pity at those people because she realizes the pit they are trying to crawl out of but don't realize it. There once was a girl who is still that girl but now appears as a mature woman, and like that lighthouse perched on a cliff, she holds her her head as high as possible and lets her spark burn as a beacon of light on a dark night.
Recent Alaskan CruiseFor those of you that follow or have read my blog posts you will know at least two things about me: 1-I had a rough 7 year stretch that began with a school shooting and ended with a divorce, and, 2-I don't have a bucket list. But if I did have a bucket list a cruise to Alaska would be near the top of it! I have wanted to take an Alaskan cruise for many years but my former spouse actually forbade me to take a cruise without him and he refused to go on a cruise (being a former Navy Officer and avid water-skier his reasoning was that if you "can't drive it, ski behind it, or shoot at it what's the point?"), so alas although he and I had visited Alaska I never got my cruise. Until recently.
The cruise was magnificent, dare I say magical. For many years a dear friend of mine, of almost 30 years, and I wanted to do a girls trip but we could never make it happen. As soon as my divorce was final in 2020 we discussed trying to travel in 2021, because surely COVID would be under control and travel would open back up, but shortly after 2021 began she experienced not one but two tragic losses and I decided to leave my beloved Colorado and move a few states away to be closer to my adult children, so that was a non-starter. When things began to smooth out in 2022 we began planning a trip, originally we thought about going to Iceland but quickly agreed on the cruise to Alaska aboard The Majestic Princess and we booked our tickets through Susan Pretkus-Combs at Dream Vacations . I had absolutely no idea what to pack or how to pack it, I used The Google for ideas but came up short so I thought that I would need A LOT of clothes and a very large suitcase for a 10-day cruise-tour. Boy, I couldn't have been more wrong! Here are some Do's & Dont's (not an exhaustive list): DO pack your patience and unless you plan to bring a lot of that with you DON'T bring a huge suitcase.
DO bring hats-for sun protection as well as warmth, trust me you may need both. Also, add a pair of gloves. DO bring a camera! Cell phone cameras have come a long way as far as quality and a good photographer can take a great photo with just about anything, but don't rely entirely on your iPhone, you will also want a "good" camera with a zoom lens. You DON'T need to spend thousands of dollars on a pro or pro-sumer camera, but I highly recommend a decent camera with good glass (lens) for those once in a lifetime photos of a breaching whale, bald eagle, or anything else you think you might want to enlarge and hang in your home. Speaking of cameras- I suggest a low key bag for the camera, a high end bag screams, "Steal me, I have good stuff inside!" and bring a monopod as opposed to a tri-pod, it's much easier to pack and some placed so not allow the use of tripods. No matter what camera you bring DO include a a rain sleeve, a cleaning cloth designed for cameras, a soft brush designed for camera lenses, battery charger and backup battery, and extra SD cards. DO bring an all-weather coat, I purchased one with a zip-out lining and was glad I did.
If you plan on attending the formal nights DO bring one outfit for each night but one pair of shoes you can wear with both (to save space).
DO bring good walking shoes that fit right, as well as several pairs of socks (pack them in the shoes to save space). A good rule of thumb is to pack 2 shirts for every one pair of pants/shorts. DON'T bring too many pairs of either, the ship has a laundry room on each level. DO pack both long and short sleeved shirts. Did you know that Alaska has LOTS of mosquitoes? That being said, DON'T wear perfume/cologne if you plan on taking any shore excursion where you might be outside for more than a few minutes or you will be covered in bites! Shore excursions can be a lot of fun as well as pricey; DO plan the ones that you know you don't want to miss but also be willing to get off the ship and see what's offered in town.
Cellphones (again)- To prevent roaming charges DO put them on "airplane mode" when you are at sea, the ship has WiFi so you can still post on social media if you choose. DO explore the ship, you won't see it all but you may find some fun things to do.
Packing: DON'T bring a huge suitcase, rather bring something larger than a carry-on size but leave Big Bertha at home-this will save your arms and back as well as unwanted charges for overweight luggage. To save space you DON'T need to bring a hairdryer-there will be one in the room as well as a clothes iron in the laundry room. DO purchase Compression Bags to aid in condensing space. DO purchase a Passport Wallet, this is the one I chose and was very pleased with it because of the zippered inside pockets as well as the zipper around the whole wallet. DO consider bringing a daypack/backpack for excursions, a tote bag is just not that practical. Electronics- DO bring an extension cord for your room, and although there were USB ports for charging I brought a multiple USB charger which came in handy. The cruise we were on was at 55% capacity thanks to COVID precautions, and the staff was a bit pared down as well which meant they were working double time to accommodate everyone so please DO consider a cash tip for your room steward at the end of the cruise. DO bring a sense of humor...you'll have a great time!
Addendum to "A note to my Children-Thoughts About Marriage"Well, a few months after writing A Note to My Children-Thoughts About Marriage I discovered some texts on my husband's cell phone. I was not snooping on his phone, they came in as I was standing next to the counter where the phone lay, and I saw them. I will not go into detail about the contents but I will say that 6 months after our 32 "anniversary" (which by the way was the day I closed on my townhouse), we were officially divorced. Due to the pandemic I was notified by email and with that one email and a brief whimper it was over. Thirty-two years. I don't regret a moment because although I am far from perfect, I did keep my wedding vows and I have a clear conscience. In the almost 2 years since that very odd "anniversary" I have bought and sold a townhouse, moved to another state to be closer to my adult children whom I adore, and in the process bought a house. I did, however, leave some incredibly special people when I moved and that tugs at my heart everyday, and frankly I am afraid to tell some of them just how badly I miss them. No regrets (mostly). I have also done ( and continue to do) the hard work to heal and be as whole as possible, I won't lie though, the work is hard. There are far more good days than bad days and I work with a group of educators who have been so loving and supportive even though we just met. I interpret at a church almost every Sunday and will soon be starting a Divorce Care group through my church. I feel blessed. In short, this addendum is to simply say that everything I wrote in the original blog post still holds true despite my divorce, but I would like to add a few summarizing bullet points: Love your spouse! Do not lie or keep secrets. Never betray their trust. Remember, they are a gift to be cherished, not a thing to be controlled. You can never say "I love you" too much.  Catherine & StetsonMy daughter and son in-law...so happy he joined our family!
My daughter & son in-law...so glad he joined our family!
Tragedy, Loss, Grief, and Finding Happiness During the RecoveryWe live in a world that is and always has been filled with tragedies and loss and then the grief that follows, and while I am far from being an expert on the subject I do have some insights that might be of help to someone somewhere. No worries though, I have no plans to rehash any of my experiences here, I have written enough about 2013-2020 and have no desire whatsoever to dredge any of that back up. However, this is about how to find and embrace the bits of happiness that occur even in the darkest times as well as embracing the garbage of the worst times. Today I had a conversation with my sister who happens to be going through some pretty heavy stuff right now and as I shared some of my thoughts with her it dawned on me that I really was on to something here. My philosophy of dealing with the fallout of of the yucky stuff life throws at you has some merit, I mean after all (despite all of the crummy stuff) I am still standing and try to find a reason to belly laugh every day. No matter the wound, both the healing and recovery are usually painful. Physical injury can take a lot of time and energy (and a lot of calories-remember the two rare brain tumors I have recovered from) so feed yourself well and rest as often as needed. Emotional injury is no less taxing on your body so take care of it, it's the only body you've got. As you walk through your day(s) after a heartbreak or tragedy keep this in mind: there is a first minute, a first hour, a first day/week/month/year. Keep in mind all of the firsts and realize when you have gotten through each one to celebrate those victories! Before reading any farther, please give yourself some grace. If you falter give yourself some grace- then get back up. No one expects you to be perfect just be better than you were yesterday; if you have a bad day that's ok there is always tomorrow. Are you ready?
1-Embrace your garbage! No, not the stuff you put on the street once a week for pick up, although that visual can come into play a little later. What I am referring to here is whatever you are going through that you think you can't get through...embrace it! If you need to cry, go ahead and make it an ugly cry. If you need to yell at it, go ahead. Feel the pain, the anguish, the sadness, the despair, but don't wallow in it. At first you may cry for hours or days and if that what you need then do it, then when you are finished with that session take a deep breath or two and stand up. Congratulations, you felt your pain! You didn't stuff it down deep inside and you didn't ignore it in hopes that it will someday disappear. You embraced it. Do it as often as you need to and eventually those emotional embraces will become less intense and shorter in length. If you are stuck and just can't seem to get passed this point then seek out professional help, there is no reason to bear the pain alone. Professionals have a variety of tools to aid you and they will be there by your side so you know you are safe. I know this because I was in need of professional help to get through something I thought I couldn't and those tools came in to play later when faced with other circumstances I thought I'd never get through. The professionals taught me to trust the process and to trust that I had the strength to do "the work" to heal. You can do this!
2-Embrace the happiness! There is always something to laugh at, and although I don't know the physiology or the chemistry behind it, I do know that laughing is good for you. Just because you are in a dark place doesn't mean that you can't laugh at things that are funny, allow yourself the pleasure of feeling joy when it is around you. Even if you have to pull up 'when dogs fail' videos in order to laugh, do it! Pretty soon you will be so comfortable laughing guilt-free despite your circumstances and will start to feel better. It really is Ok to laugh in the midst of grief, you are not being irreverent or dismissive of your grief, you are simply experiencing life despite your pain. Notice beauty. Marvel at something you have never seen before. Allow yourself to feel the good that is around you. See the humor, giggle with a child, laugh at yourself. Dance in the rain (really...do it...it feels great as long as there is no hail). Embrace the joy! You can do this!
3-Embrace the good days (and count them!). Eventually the good days will begin to outnumber the bad ones. Eventually you will start waking up in the morning and the first thing you think about will not be whatever you are dealing with; count that as a WIN (and a good day). This will not happen instantaneously but it will happen. One particular event that overlapped with another event that happened during my 7-year game of human Whack-a-Mole took at least 3 years before the first thing I thought about when I woke up was something other than either (or both) events. At one point I was simply happy to have an hour a day that wasn't consumed by grief or deep gut wrenching pain, and when I started to realize that, those hours became 2,3,4+ hours I knew I was inching my way toward healing. Notice those moments. Embrace the tiny steps. You may have a marathon ahead of you but you cannot finish it if you don't even start. You can do this!
If all of this sounds like an easy 3-step process, it is not, but it is attainable. Remember that garbage? When you are ready, think of what you have been through and let "it" go, put it on the curb and let the professionals haul it away. Take it off your "hook" so you don't need to carry it around with you. And frankly don't be surprised that you may have to go through some more pain in the process but be sure to embrace it, then say goodbye to it. Acknowledge what you have learned through it, how you have grown and changed, because you have or you wouldn't be ready to truly move on. You can do this! |
