When Two People Know What Love IsSure I have photographed a more than few weddings....and yes I am seriously thinking of getting out of the "biz" (for reasons unimportant at the moment). But then came the opportunity to spend the day with two people who truly know what love is. Yes, just as with the other weddings I have photographed, Tim and Amanda love each other..enough to commit their lives and lifetimes to each other, but they also have an extraordinary ability to see beyond the surface and to love others just as they are, to cherish and nurture people. It should not be a surprise that she is a nurse and he has gone back to school to become a Special Ed teacher. Their love for each other, for others, and for life in general is almost palpable.
Tim and Amanda's wedding was neither huge nor extravagant, rather is was an intimate setting with family and close friends, in a church which held many childhood memories for Amanda, her sister, and cousins. The bridge just outside of the church was a place that Amanda and her cousins spent many a Sunday playing and, dodging raindrops as well as listening to distant thunder, was the setting for an intimate wedding portrait.
Honestly, the one thing that made this wedding stand out was the beautiful and loving hearts of the bride and groom. The evidence is in all of the photos of them with the children in attendance as well as how much fun everyone had.
Dancing the "Chicken Dance"and "Hokey Pokey" as well as the limbo followed by much laughter and hugs all around, this was a day filled with a celebration of love and of life and that left everyone feeling as if they had just experienced a warm collective hug! Congratulations and Blessings Tim & Amanda When Brokenness HealsI feel the healing... just a little everyday. Some days there is nothing and I worry that I will be forever stuck in a place of brokenness. Then there are days that I feel as if each tiny crack in my soul is beginning to mend, as if with each step I am indeed closer to being the newer, better, healed version of myself. The version of myself that my 16-year-old self would never have dreamed of. The version of myself that, on my wedding day, I would have never thought could be possible. The days that feel as if every negative word spoken around me is meant for me are now much fewer and much farther between. The painful shattered cracks in my soul that felt more like broken bones or bits of glass between my toes now feel more like warm sand running through my fingers. We all have tough experiences in our lives, but sometimes there will be ONE that causes all of the others to resurface. When past pain comes rushing back and the hurt, anger, confusion, and disbelief resurface like a beach ball held under water for too long then suddenly let go. The beach ball shoots up with great speed but does not come down to rest on the surface, no it shoots towards the sky before plummeting back down and hitting the water once again with a THWACK! Just as the waves and ripples on the water calm so will the little cracks of brokenness. It just takes time. When brokenness heals what takes its place is peace and strength, wisdom and knowledge, hope and understanding. At least for me.
Cosmetic Bags? Yes!Whether you are looking for a quick holiday gift, spring cleaning, or back to school ideas think cosmetic bags! If you are like me, or my daughter, or my friends, you stock up on your favorite cosmetics 2x a year...at "Bonus" time and with all your freebies you also get a little cosmetic bag. I have used a few of them until they were totally worn out but then I had at least a half dozen new ones under my sink just waiting to be used.
Well clean them out and put them to good use! Recently in lieu of stuffing stockings full of school supplies for a low income school, I pulled them out and then went to a $1 type store and purchased plain blue and black bags (for those who may not want flowered bags) as well as pens, pencils, erasers, and sticky notes. The bags are now full and ready to be given out. Perhaps pens and pencils are not your idea of a fun gift but there are lots of other uses for those bags such as:
Donate these to under privileged schools, homeless shelters, shelters for battered women, food banks...use your imagination and use those bags!
Cheers! Paula What a Rescued Rottweiler Taught MeIn the summer of 2014 my husband decided he wanted to adopt a dog, and he wanted a Rottweiler. He checked shelters, Craig's List, and rescue websites daily. Not too far from us was a family that felt that, with their young children and their friends, they just could not keep their Rottweiler any longer. We drove over one Saturday afternoon to meet "Millie" and we fell in love, she was large (even for a Rottweiler) and very well trained and we were ready to take her home with us. But the family wanted a day to say goodbye to her and would call us on Sunday. We waited but the phone never rang. Mark finally called them and the family had decided that they couldn't give us Millie after all. We were heart broken! I had already had a year filled with a school shooting, a hospitalization, word that I had a rare cataract in one eye. My husband's father had suffered not one but 2 heart "incidents" and at the same time his mother was diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian cancer. Our daughter had also just graduated from the University of Oklahoma with two BA degrees. and our son had an ear all but severed due to a work related accident. It had been a busy year and we were barely half way through. To have been turned down by Millie's family was good for them but heartbreaking for us. Mark continued to look. One day he emailed me a photo of the sorriest looking dog I had ever seen. The document stated that he was a 65 pound neutered male Rottweiler; approximately 5-8 years old; found abandoned; heart worm-positive. Aggressive. Location: Houston. Status: needs foster home, due for euthanasia. No one wanted an old and potentially mean Rottweiler. Mark wanted him. He was delivered to our doorstep in white van by Rescued Pets Movement, his name was Roarke and he was skinny, dirty, and shy. His head hung low and he would not look anyone in the eye. Frankly I was worried that we had just gotten a dog that was either broken or mean and aggressive. As time quickly showed, he was neither. He is the sweetest dog I think I have ever met; protective of both Mark and I but mainly of me (I think he knows that Mark can take care of himself).
He has proven to be the healing balm this woman needed after the school shooting...we spent a summer together giving each other unconditional love and attention and we both healed. Me from my shock and he from years spent chained and sitting on cement, malnourished and unloved. Roarke taught me some things too:
A heart as tough as shoe leather can be softened by love.
Don't be afraid to play with your favorite toy.
Take a walk everyday.
Laugh at yourself.
Eat well and take naps, you will feel better.
Age really is just a number.
Love unconditionally.
To Tattoo or Not To.Tattoos have always fascinated me, I never had one but always wondered why people got them. I distinctly remember, when my children were about 3 & 4 years old respectively, going to the base Commissary in San Diego and a man who appeared to be in his 70's approached me and my children ( a frequent occurrence actually because they were both so blond, quite cute, and typically well mannered in public). He hesitated and although it was quite a hot day, he rolled his sleeves DOWN to cover up what appeared to be be naked ladies tattooed Popeye style, circa WWII on both arms. He was a very pleasant man and we had a nice chat then we all went on our way. The tattoos were very faded and his skin weathered and wrinkled with age and no doubt a lot of time at sea, they weren't very attractive by any stretch of the imagination and he seemed to be ashamed of them when in the presence of women and children. For years I used that story as an example of why NOT to get tattooed and it worked because my kids (as well as my Navy husband and myself) remained tattoo-free for many years. My husband had considered more than a few times getting a tatt...like when 6 of his buddies on the USS White Plaines were killed in an explosion and the ensuing fire in May 1989, and in 2007 when he returned from a "boots on the ground" tour in Iraq with the Marines & Army (he was affectionately referred to as "NARMY"). He also considered getting his wedding ring tattooed because of his dislike of wearing jewelry, but alas he is still "clean" and tatt-free. Many times I find myself asking people about their tattoos, I'd say more than 50% have them for a specific reason and the rest "just because..." Wow, committing to a piece of artwork on your body "just because" was not in my realm of thinking, sometimes it takes me up to a year to hang a piece of artwork in my home because it needs to be in the right spot, away from direct sunlight and in an aesthetically pleasing location. As a photographer I have small but growing collection of tattoo photos, but I learned very quickly that they are hard to photograph without looking like a a hunk of flesh with an ink drawing when in fact most are beautiful one-of-a-kind works of art.
As it turns out many of my friends have tattoos, and they have very specific reasons for having them: some thought for years about getting a tattoo and have special memories associated with that day spent with their father and then later with their mother (for a second tatt). One friend has one related to being a breast cancer survivor and another has five tattoos and writes: "I have 5 tattoos and I love them all! I have one on my left leg in memory of my cousin Amy who died 2 years ago from Ovarian Cancer, it's the Ovarian Cancer butterfly and ribbon. It's my favorite. I chose that to honor her! I have 3 red stars on my left foot and the represent me, David and Chris. I have the infinity symbol on the inside of my left wrist that has the word Faith inset and also I have just added a cross, this represents my forever love for our Lord and savior Jesus Christ. I have the word Sister on my right foot. It's one of my favorite Dave Matthews songs and I am a sister to my sister Jennifer and brother Adam. And I also have a small tattoo at the base of my neck that has angel wings and the Hebrew symbol Chaim (sp) which means "To Life." Each of mine mean so much to me and I would not change the fact that I have them. I am planning on a new one this summer. I think I want to add some scripture to my butterfly on my leg and I want to do another one on my left rib cage. I think I want to do the Cord of three strands Ecclesiastes 4:12. I love my tattoos and will get a new one each summer, it's just my thing!
There are also friends of mine who would love to have a tattoo but fear of commitment or the thought of "all that pain" is enough to keep them away from the needles and ink. My friends range from the deeply religious and/or spiritual to agnostic....and the answer to the question of 'To tattoo or not to" is not as black and white as it may seem. I have deeply religious friends with multiple tattoos (see above) and others who hold to the "You don't see Ferrari's with bumper stickers" philosophy. While others who tend to be more free-spirited and far from being religious in any form who "don't see the need for that kind of thing." As I said before, I am fascinated by them and the reasons people have for wanting and actually getting tattoos.
Confession time...I have now have ONE tattoo! I thought about it for 5 solid months before even venturing in to a tattoo 'parlour' and the simple act of walking in was such a huge departure of character for me that I almost didn't go through with it. But you see the thing is I actually felt compelled to get it, and once I got it I felt a sense of being able to let go of so much pain and heartache that a healing in my soul began. By now you may have read my blog "Thoughts About a High School Shooting" which is about the day the school experienced the unthinkable. Many people immediately got tattoos in remembrance of that day and the lives that were lost, a local tattoo shop was offering a "special" which was the choice of one of five or six different tattoos at a discounted price. Well, let me tell you I did not rush out to get inked and the the thought of having one with the names and dates or that looked like someone else's was out of the question for me. I like custom jewelry and handmade quilts, my home is filled with artwork that is either of my family or by someone in my family so why oh why would I brand my body to look like everyone else? No, I thought long and hard before doing this, even prayed about it and one day it was clear to me as the Rocky Mountain sky.
Let me explain...as a sign language interpreter I am fluent in ASL and connected to the Deaf community and there is a sign that loosely translated means a "scar on my brain or scar on my heart" in other words....something that has deeply affected you and you will never forget. I needed to take that "scar" and put it somewhere instead of having it bounce around inside of me. After all I have a 15 inch scar on the side of my head that is the result of the removal of a 1 in a million tumor; it's there and it will never go away, some people pretend like they don't see it and others ask me about it and when they do I am more than willing to tell them the "Readers Digest super-condensed version" unless they want to know more. Well that day will forever be seared in my heart and in my mind, it is something that deeply affected me and I will never forget it, and I certainly didn't need a tattoo with names and dates to commemorate it. No, I chose a simple feather on the the top of my foot, no names and no dates, just a symbol much like my scar to remind me of how strong I can be. Most of the time it is covered by my shoes, just like my scar is covered by my hair, but when it is not and someone asks me about it I will give them the super condensed version.
Agree with me or not, it really doesn't matter. It is a part of who I am, the experiences God has given me and how I have dealt with them. The 'scar on my heart' is now a beautiful eagle feather on my right foot, the foot I lead with when I walk. Am I unafraid of what the future may hold? Not really, but I AM ready. One of my favorite hymns is by Horatio Spafford and it starts with:
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