People never cease to surprise me and I don't know why.  Think about it, I am a photographer who specializes in portraits and weddings, I meet A LOT of people and I see A LOT of interesting personalities! People laughing, crying, saying side busting funny things or rude and hurtful things all at the same event. Being the daughter of a mortician inappropriate humor is in my DNA and sometimes things come out of my mouth that surprise me too. I am also an interpreter so I meet a varied assortment of interesting people all of whom I treat with unconditional positive regard and whose confidences I keep unconditionally. Additionally, I have been a people watcher for as long as I can remember so one would think that very little about human nature would surprise me.  

For those who have followed this blog since it's inception in 2012 you have journeyed to various weddings, pro bono photo shoots, dipped your big toe into life as a Navy wife, been exposed to some of my other interests like cooking and quilting, and more serious life events like a school shooting, a rare tumor, and now a divorce. About two months prior to my world falling apart I had written a blog to my kids about marriage, ironic I know, but every word still rings true.  You see at that time I had been keeping a 20 year secret that like an inflated beachball held under water I knew the truth would come screaming to the top sooner or later and of course it did. I am just so sorry to have kept that secret from so many people.

Please understand that I am a survivor not a victim, and I am neither complaining nor asking for sympathy. This is simply my journey.

Back to the main topic though, what surprises me about people is how they respond to things.  I knew with this divorce would come the loss of friends and for that I was prepared but what I wasn't prepared for was who those friends would be.  It has not been the mutual friends as expected, his family that I was friends with, nor my deeply religious friends or military friends, no...it has been a few friends that I have had for 30-40 years! The ones that I would turn to when I needed  a cooler head to bounce ideas off of, or the ones that called me out of the blue just to talk or when they were in need of  cooler head. Granted, there have only been one or two so far, and it has only been two years since all of this began to unfold so honestly that's really not too bad, yet I am still surprised.

I was taken by surprise at how many people offered me support, a kind ear, a warm heart, and a depth of friendship that hadn't existed before. In contrast with those are the ones who have experienced the same thing for the same reasons and offered little to no support. Perhaps I had unrealistic expectations. I was told by co-workers that I was "prickly" and sometimes defensive....ummm HELLO... I never hid the stuff I have experienced during that seven year period.  A wee bit of grace please.

Forgiveness is a big word and it is hard, really hard.  Recently I heard an analogy about what forgiveness means and what it looks like; to forgive does not mean that you are letting that person "off the hook" it means that you are letting them off your hook and giving it to God to handle. By letting that person off your hook, you are freeing yourself from carrying all of the hate/resentment/bitterness and whatever other junk comes with it. Honestly, I don't hate my ex-husband and I have let him off my hook for all the hurt & lies. Lord knows I'm not perfect either.

In the words of the current generation, "So yeah." I am surprised by all of it. What I am most surprised about is how at peace I am with all. 

It is all good.

And just in case you didn't know:

Just in case you were unaware of this fact!